So in our last post we had the ladies from Vanderpump Rules in the hot seat, now it’s the men’s turn. And yes! Men can definitely be 1 HAUTE MESS or 1 Hot Mess too. If you’re not familiar with the difference between 1 HAUTE MESS and 1 Hot Mess, 1 HAUTE MESS, according to eSVYN, means:
“Anyone who works hard, plays hard, doesn’t take themselves too seriously but knows their worth”
However 1 Hot Mess just means you’re straight crazy. LOL! Not clinically of course because we could never clinically diagnose anyone or would we ever. We just mean that you’re a really attractive mess.
So let’s get into the guys!! And first up is Beau Clark.
We love Beau! I mean, how can you not! He’s funny at the right times, he knows when to be compassionate and when to ramp up his energy if someone’s coming for his girlfriend but, he doesn’t over-ramp it up, if you will. He knows how to get his point across without being disrespectful or making people feel like they’re being attacked. He just has that lovable face and character type. Beau!! You are 1 HAUTE MESS in our book!
Next, we have James Kennedy.
James, James, James. You know…. we really want to root for the guy but he makes it so hard for us. Watching him sometimes is such a trainwreck that we actually cover our eyes and feel terrified in our own home. The whole eggshell dance or trigger word thing must be exhausting for others who communicate with him on a daily. Yikes James! I mean it’s pretty obvious where this one is headed… 1 Hot Mess Kid!!
Let’s talk about Tom Schwartz.
Schwartzy!! Hey Buddy!! He’s pretty calm, cool and collected, save from a few crazy fights he’d have with his girlfriend (now wife Katie) but hey! We all know how that goes… slinging mud across the bow and then you quickly apologize and make up. He’s like a really cool court jester, the one that can really entertain you when times are sad. We all know that hind sight is 20/20 and he’s your future voice of reason. He’s the “kindness is mistaken for weakness” type but he’s far from weak. He’s the “village idiot” type but he’s far from an idiot. He’s like a dark horse. I mean look he has his freaking name on the front of a building. Ha Ha!! Well played Tom Schwartz. You are 1 HAUTE MESS.
Let’s move along now to Tom Sandoval.
Ok. Tom is cool, suave, a schmoozer… He’s that guy who will charm you with his chisel looks and his trendy clothes. But here at eSVYN we don’t know. Actually you know what? We do know. He often times will pull out his passport and take a trip to crazy town too (like we said about Scheana and Lala in our previous post.) He doesn’t take constructive criticism quite well and it’s really hard to get a clean apology from him without him explaining how you were wrong in the first place, that’s why I was forced to do, say or act out how I did. He’s a life of any party and he has a relationship with his girlfriend, Ariana, that’s super stellar but… sometimes his britches can get too large for its stitches… Tom Sandy!! You are 1 Hot Mess.
Now we cannot forget about Jax Taylor!
Oh boy! Lol! Why we laugh? Because he’s a trainwreck that you just can’t turn away from.
How do you solve a problem like Jax Taylor?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do we find a word that means Jax Taylor?
A flibbertjjbbet! A will-o’-the wisp! A clown!
We kid… that’s from The Sound of Music where the nuns are trying to figure Maria out. But really though, Jax is of a different pedigree. But hey he obviously has that “je ne sais quoi” (French for I don’t know what) because he landed him quite the catch with Brittany. He definitely has cleaned up though since being with her, in our humble opinion. He 100% hands down used to be 1 Hot Mess but we’re really loving the effort that he puts forth to keep his relationship intact. The problem is that he can have these bursts of terrifying acts that really can be inconceivable. But we know that we have to make a hard choice here so we’re just going to have to go with 1 Hot Mess Jax! But we have our good eye on you.
Now of course we can’t for get about Ken! (That’s Mr. Vanderpump to you).
Now we love Ken because we could call him Mr. Vanderpump, it won’t phase him, not even in the tiniest bit. He is so unbothered, totally chill and never over-whelmed however, you make an off-color remark about his wife (Lisa V) and he’ll cut a bish. Yes!! We love Ken! You defend your bride!!! And in our book that makes you 1 HAUTE MESS!!